I have found that saying I trust Him has proven to be much easier than actually living it out. You know that fearless life that you sing about on Sunday mornings. Those lyrics that are so powerful and inspiring..but then you walk out of the church doors and there is life waiting for you. That life that you didn’t sign up for. I know I have looked around at my life, at times, and think how did I get here? I can’t do this! It’s too hard. It’s too painful. IT IS TOO MUCH! It’s in those moments that God, with His merciful, grace-filled love reminds me…it’s not about you. It never has been. It never will be. It’s about Him. His plan. His purpose. HIM. So do we trust Him even when it looks nothing like that script we want to give Him? Do we trust Him that He is making all things new? Do we trust Him that He will trade our ashes for His beauty? Do we trust Him enough to give Him the pen and let Him write our story because He will use it to reveal His glory?

I know that this girl would have never known the answer to that if the “even ifs” had not been written into my story. Isn’t it when we face our greatest trials that we are also faced with deciding…Can I trust Him? Will I trust Him? That trust that holds steadfast even if your prodigal child hasn’t come home. Even if the diagnosis comes. Even if you find yourself in a pit so dark and so deep that you aren’t sure you could ever climb out. Even if ______________. You fill in the blank with whatever the enemy is wanting to use to whisper in doubt and then ask yourself…Do I trust Him?

This morning the Lord brought this scripture to my mind when I was thinking on this whole for real, for real kind of trust…not a very theological statement but you know what I mean.

Matthew 16: 24-25 “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up my cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life must lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”

This morning, as I soaked those scriptures in God, was reminding me of something….I didn’t get to special order my cross. He custom designed it. He knew how high to make it. How much it should weigh. He knew every detail of what He had asked me to carry. That cross. My cross. My life. The life He called me to lose so that He could save me and give me His life. The Life that brings hope, joy, peace, love and so much more, even if my story looks nothing like I had ever imagined. And you know what I am beyond grateful for? That He knows exactly what I need. He knows He will supply my every need in supernatural ways. But you know what He wants more than anything? He wants ME to know it! He wants my confidence to be in Him. He wants me to know that if He has done it before, He will do it again. Those walls will fall. That battle will be won. He’s never failed me and He never will! I was blown away, once again, that as I entered into the service a few minutes late this morning He had this song for me! That reminder that I CAN TRUST HIM even if..